Of Battles, Blasters, and Brainfreezys
by KidKourage
Summary: This one's got three stories in one! Gaz and Mike-the-Brother have a Smash Brothers battle, Dib tries to stop Zim from dooming the local pool club, and KidK and Gir go to the 7-11 where they meet...'Nny?! Thrill as my perfect G rating record goes up in


Of Battles, Buttons, and Brainfreezys

Of Battles, Blasters, and Brainfreezys

An Invader Zim Fanfic by KidKourage

_Guess What!We're Back to the No Chapters Thing!_

_ _

Wouldn't you know it?I'm bored again.And so you, the readers, get to once again enjoy the product of my boredom.Woo_Hoo_, lucky _you_!This story's kinda like three stories in one, in case ya'll didn't read the summary.One of 'em's got 'Nny in it.Cool, eh?Ummmmmm…this is usually the point where I give people who've got no idea what I'm talking about a link…oh, here's one! [http://members.aol.com/JTHM/index.html][1](check out the picture section!)Don't click if you're an impressionable preteen…I'm not gonna be responsible for traumatizing anyone. You rugrats can read the fic, tho', cuz nothin' _too_ graphic happens in it.Oh, by the way, Johnny's another person I don't own.Like all the others, he's Jhonen's property…unless he gets out of hand.

The scene is KidK's house!The gang's all here, since KidK was looking for something to do and invited Dib and Gaz over.But not even _they_ can come up with anything this time!And where's Zim…?Read on and find out!

KidK:Sorry I got ya'll to come over…I don't have anything for us to do…

Dib:Oh, that's OK, KidK!We just like hangin' out with you!

KidK:Awwww, that's sweet!

Mike-the-Brother:Don't make me barf.

KidK:Mike, you know what?I'm tired of you.You go find something to do by _yourself_.

Mike-the-Brother (smugly):I don't _hafta_ be by myself!Gaz said that when she's done her Game-Boy game that we can play Super Smash Brothers!It's gonna be the battle to end all battles…I can't wait!

Gaz:OK, done.God, you _work_ and you _work_ and all you get is a lame 30 second ending sequence…

Mike-the-Brother:Bummer.Anyway, I'll go get SSB!

KidK:Heaven preserve us…he's even _abbreviated_ it!

Mike-the-Brother skips off to get Super Smash Brothers.Meanwhile, there's a commotion from downstairs as Zim and Gir come up from the lab.

Zim (triumphantly):I have _done_ it!

KidK:Done _what_?

Zim:I have finally created a weapon powerful enough to _doom_ my greatest enemy…

KidK:Uh oh…Dib, get behind the chair…

Dib doesn't get behind the chair, but Gir, thinking this is a game, does.

Gir:Hide an' seek!I'm hidin' _real_ good!Ooooo, look!Dust bunnies!Hello, little bunnies…

Zim:Not _Dib_, crazy KidK.Dib is just a minor annoyance…I can doom him _any_ time if I so choose.

Dib:Yeah right…

Zim:No, I am speaking of an even greater enemy!I am speaking of…bum bum bummmmmm…the _lifeguard at the community pool_!

Dib:Nooooooooo!(he thinks a second)Wait a second, what?!

Zim:Yessss, ever since last Wednesday, when we went to that miserable _cesspit_ you humans call the pool club, I have been waiting to get my _revenge_ on that pitiful stink monkey…

Initiate Flashback Mode!Woo, look at the squigglyness!OK, all set now…begin the Flashback!KidK and the crew are at the community pool club for the afternoon.

Zim (muttering angrily):Stupid beasts and their stupid water…

KidK:Don't worry, Zim.I'm not going in either.I only came cuz I'm the one with the driver's license.So you can sit with me by the pool and read comics.

Dib:Yeah, _Zim_, make sure you don't get _wet_…muhahahahaaaaa!

Gaz:Shut up, Dib, or I'll dunk you.

Mike-the-Brother:Who wants to play Marco Polo?

Gir:Me!Meeeeeee!**_Marco_**!!!!!!

Mike-the-Brother:Er…yeah.

About a half hour goes by, when suddenly some bad kids start splashing around near where KidK and Zim are enjoying their books.

Zim (edging away from the pool):Monkey children!Watch where you put that water!

Bad Kid One:Whatsamatta, Mister?Don't wanna get _wet_?

Bad Kid Two:Yeah, are ya _scared_ of the _water_, Mister?

KidK (menacingly):If you two kids don't go away right _now_—

The kids giggle maniacally and splash a whole lot of water on poor Zim.

Zim(rolling around on the pavement):Aieeeeeeeeee!It burns!It burns!

KidK:Now see what you've done?I'm gonna tell the lifeguard!(shouting)Hey!Lifeguard dude!

The lifeguard jumps in the pool and swims over.

Lifeguard Dude:Duhhhhh, what seems to be the problem, man?

KidK:These little _demons_ splashed my friend deliberately, and he's allergic to water!

Lifeguard Dude:Whuh?How can he be allergic to _water_, man?You just _can't_ be!See?(he splashes more water on Zim, who continues to writhe in pain)He's just _scared_!Wahahahahaaaaa!

Bad Kids:Wahahahahaaaaaa!

Initiate Flashforward Mode!Swirly stuff, you know you love it!OK, back at KidK's house in the present day, now.

Zim:That idiot lifeguard and his stupid watery…water!Now I have the means to make him payyyyyyy….

KidK:And what would that be?

Zim (holding up a rectangular object):A _block_…of **_sodium_**!

KidK:Ummmm, what?

Dib:Oh, no!Not a block of sodium!That's _dangerous_!

KidK:Why?(I know this, I'm just playin' stupid)

Dib:Sodium reacts very violently with water.It fizzes and burns and…other…bad stuff.It can _hurt_ people!

KidK:Really.Well, Zim, looks like you've got a real winner there!Good job!

Dib:What do you mean, 'good job?!'He's gonna go _doom_ people!

KidK:Welllll, there's nothing I can do to stop him, so…

Dib:Maybe _you_ can't…but _I_ can!

Zim:I'd like to see you _try_, Dib-monkey!

With that, Zim dashes out of the house and runs off in the direction of the pool club.Dib follows him just as quickly.

Dib:I'm gonna stop you Zim!No innocent lives will be ruined because of your heinous plot!

KidK (shaking her head):Those silly boys…hey, Gir!

Gir (behind the chair):Yeah, Missy?

KidK:Wanna go to the 7-11 and get a brainfreezy with me?

Gir (leaping out, covered in dust):I'm _there_, dude!

KidK:Um, Gir?Have you been watching 'Saved by the Bell' again?

Gir:Yeah!I luv Screech!'Oh Liiiisaaaaaa!'And Mister Belding is so funny!'I know you're up to something, Zack!'Wheeheeheee!

KidK:_Riiiiight_.Now let's go get that 'freezy, shall we?

Gir:Yes!I'm gonna get choc'late bubblegum!

KidK:That's the spirit!(yelling)Mike!

Mike-the-Brother (in the livingroom):I'm right _here_, sis, you don't hafta _scream_…

KidK:Oh, sorry.Me an' Gir are goin' out.And Zim an' Dib…well…who _knows_ when they'll be back.So, have fun, guys!

Mike-the-Brother (absently):Oh, yeah, uh-huh, right.

Gaz (equally absent):Bye…

KidK:Engrossed already…well, let's go!

KidK and Gir go out to the car.Meanwhile, inside the house…

Mike-the-Brother:Who are you gonna be, Gaz?

Gaz:Samus.She's the only girl, see.

Mike-the-Brother:Well, we'll see how well your crummy '_girl_ power' can withstand the awesome psychic might of…_Ness_!

Gaz:Huh.The big-headed schoolboy versus the metal android, eh?Let's make it 99 stock each.

Mike-the-Brother:You're on!This battle'll settle our score for _good_!Whoever wins is the _ultimate game master_!

Gaz (eager to start the game):Yeah, sure, whatever.Let's _play_, already!

They start their battle royale, and Samus immediately scores a KO on Ness using her Energy Blaster.

Gaz:This is _too_ easy!

Mike-the-Brother:I wouldn't say that if I were you!

Ness KO's Samus with a Mind Toss move.One by one the characters take turns falling off the screen.But since there's so many stock, this could go on for quite some time…so why don't we check in on Zim and Dib in the meantime!

Dib (out of breath):Well…I finally…made it.The…community…pool.Now where's…Zim?

Zim (over by the pool):Cower, human scum!Today you will feel the wrath of my sodium brick of _doooooooom_!

He holds up the block and makes like he's gonna toss it in the pool.But Dib sneaks up on him and snatches the sodium away.

Dib:Yoink!Let's see you doom anybody _now_, Zim!

Zim:Oh, come _on_!Don't tell me you _like_ these people!

Dib looks around.His gaze takes in the lifeguard, who is diligently excavating a nostril, some boys who are laughing dementedly while dunking a pigtailed girl underwater, a man who is clearly only there to ogle the teenage girls, and the aforementioned teenage girls who are gossiping about some other teenage girls behind their backs.

Dib:………No.But that doesn't mean you can go around _hurting_ them!

Zim:I'll do whatever I _want_, monkey!If I can't use the sodium, then I'll use…_the lasers_!

He whips out some laser blasters and starts firing randomly.

Teenage Girls:Eeeeeeeek!Lasers!Help us, pleeeeeeze!

Lifeguard Dude:Duhhhh, whut?

Well, that's enough of that story for now…let's see what KidK and Gir are up to, okay?

KidK (slamming the car door):We're here!

Gir:Yaaaaaay!Choc'late bubblegum, here I come!

KidK:Heehee, you made a rhyme, Gir!

Gir (singsong):Rhyme, time, slime, crime…

KidK (joining in):Chime, dime, mime…hey!

KidK, not looking where she's going, bumps violently into another prospective 7-11 customer and knocks him over.She looks down to see, sprawled on the ground, a tall, very thin young man with spiky black hair and really awesome boots glaring malevolently up at her.

KidK:Oh, wow!I'm so sorry!Geez, I'm such a _moron_…how could I not have been _watching_?Here, let me help you up…(she extends a hand)

'Nny (disdaining her help):Don't touch me.You really think you can just run into people, don't you?You know, I sincerely don't know why I leave the house anymore, because every time I do I give up all my rights to being treated like a human being…(he gets hysterical)…by people like _you_, you ignorant little…(he pauses)Wait, did you just say you're _sorry_?

KidK (mournfully):Yes…I really am!You're not hurt, are you?I just couldn't _live_ with myself if I actually _injured_ someone because of my stupidity…

'Nny (in shock):…………..wow…_usually_ people only apologize to me _after_ I threaten their lives…and start torturing them…

KidK (not paying attention):Here, please let me make it up to you!(she grabs 'Nny's skinny arm and pulls him into the store)I'll buy you a brainfreezy!

Gir (skipping after KidK and 'Nny):Yay!Brainfreezys for _everybody_!

What is that girl getting herself _into_?At the house…

Mike-the-Brother:Ha!How do ya like _them_ apples, Gaz?!One more for me!

Gaz:Yeah, you're getting _lucky_!Watch _this_!

Samus performs the Screw Attack, sending Ness into orbit.

Mike-the-Brother (with all confidence):A minor setback at most.Now _you_ watch!

Ness uses his Smash attack, the one with the baseball bat, to knock the damaged Samus flying.Her fingers pounding the buttons, Gaz manages to keep Samus on the screen.

Gaz:But again I survive!

Mike-the-Brother:Not for long!Muhahahahaaaaaa!

Gaz:We'll see about _that_!

Flash to the community pool!

Dib:We'll see about _that_!(wow, cool trick, no?)

Zim (gleefully zapping):Pathetic humans!Feel my wrath!(he notices the lifeguard on his station…thingy…and points)You!Stupid lifeguard beast!Come down here and face me!

Lifeguard Dude:Ummmmm, huh?Hey, you're that little dude from the other day!The one who was (air quotes) 'allergic' to water!Whassup, man?

Zim:What's _up_ is that I'm gonna _destroy_ your puny pool club!

Lifeguard Dude (his two brain cells finally getting together):Hey!No way, man!Not on _my_ watch!

The lifeguard jumps into the pool, swims over to Zim, and splashes him.

Zim (falling over):Waaaaaaah!Why did I not fore_see_ this?!Ngh, it _hurts_!

Lifeguard Dude:Ahahaaaa!You are _defeated_, little dude!

While Zim is distracted, Dib saunters over and picks up the dropped laser blasters.

Dib (striking a heroic pose):And once again, the _day_…is _saved_!Thanks to…the lifeguard dude and Dib the Great!

Bad Kid One:Hey, _that_ kid's quoting the 'Powerpuff Girls!' 

Bad Kid Two:Yeah!Geek!

Dib (his confidence gone):Ahaha… ^_^*

Well, it seems like Dib has won!But, with my fics, you just never can tell, can you?Meanwhile, over at the 7-11…

KidK:Now, I know Gir wants a chocolate bubblegum…(she looks up at 'Nny next to her and smiles disarmingly)What flavor do _you_ like best?

'Nny (still in shock): ………..cherry….

KidK (working the brainfreezy machine):Okie dokieThat's my favorite too.You know, you remind me of a good friend of mine…_two_ friends, actually.What's your name?

'Nny:Johnny.But you can call me ''Nny' for short.

KidK:OK.Well, 'Nny, here's your 'freezy.(she hands him one of those giant cups that frozen treats like this always come in)And here's yours, Gir!

Gir (grabbing the cup):Tanky tanky, friend!

KidK:Gir, you've been watching 'Gulla Gulla Island' too, huh?

Gir:I like it!'Let's all go to..Gulla Gulla Iiiiiiisland!'

'Nny:Heh.What _is_ that thing, anyway?

KidK:He's a robot dog.He's not mine, he's my friend's.

'Nny:Ummmm…(he's out of small talk already…comes from killing people before talking to them)What's _your_ name?

KidK:Everybody calls me KidK.Well, except family…and Gir…they call me Missy.Now, lemme just pay for these….

She goes up to the counter and pays the counter slave a rather steep price for the three brainfreezys.While she's gone…

Gir:Hey, Mister!

'Nny:Er…hey.

Gir:I like your shirt!Heehee, it's always changing!Look, it's different again!

'Nny:….thanks.

Gir (slurping the brainfreezy):I luv you, funny hair man!

'Nny:…………………………..

KidK (returning and setting her 'freezy on the floor):So, I really didn't hurt you, did I?No bruises anywhere?

'Nny:No.You know, KidK…(he carefully puts his brainfreezy on top of the machine before continuing)You are the only person I've ever come in contact with who ran me over and actually cared enough to apologize.(he thinks a minute)Well…_eventually_ they apologized….But _you_…your soul's not a total waste of skin and organs like all those _other_ ignorant morons.(he suddenly darts forward and clasps KidK's hands in his own)I'm so _lucky_ to have finally met a _good person_!(he grins that scary grin of his)This is the best moment of my life!I'm gonna burn it into my mind and remember it forever!

KidK (embarrassed):^_^*I'm not _that_ great….

'Nny (ignoring her):Yes!And now I must go!(he grabs the brainfreezy and skips crazily out of the store, shouting happily)A happy day today!I don't have to _kill_ myself!

Gir (waving):Bye bye, Mister Boots!

KidK:Well…wasn't he…_wacky_… (whew, she just narrowly escaped death)Let's go home, Gir.

Gir:Gonna see Mikey an' Gazzy!Do you think they'll let me play?

KidK:Sorry to tell you this, Gir, but they probably won't even hear you ask.

They go out to the car and drive home.At the pool club…

Zim (still wet but recovering):I'll…get you yet…lifeguard beast!

Dib:No you won't.As long as he's within the safety of the pool club, he can always splash you.

Zim:Next time I'm gonna make sure I'm _protected_.And as for _you_, Dib…(he starts walking over to Dib menacingly)You'd _better_ give me back those blasters!

Dib:No way!

Dib runs away, and Zim chases him.Eventually, Dib figures out that he can probably keep Zim away by firing the lasers.

Dib (stopping and whirling around to face Zim):You stay back or I'll shoot!

Zim:Ha.As if a stupid human like you could even _aim_ one of those things.

Dib:It can't be too hard, _Zim_, or _you_ wouldn't have figured it out!

Zim:_What_ did you say?!

Zim lunges at Dib in an attempt to retrieve the guns, startling Dib and causing him to fire wildly.It's very unfortunate, but his shot hits a telephone pole and it falls over, pulling all its wires down with it.

Dib:Ummmmm, whoops?

And back at KidK's house…

Gaz:Well, looks like this is it, Mikey.The final showdown.

Mike-the-Brother:One for you and one for me…no damage to either…who will win the title of Ultimate Game Master?

Gaz and Mike-the-Brother look at each other.Then they reach a decision.

Mike-the-Brother and Gaz:**_Me_**!

The last face-off begins.Samus charges up her Energy Blaster, but before she can fire, Ness grabs her and tosses her away.Samus recovers and lands on top of Ness, kicking him into the ground.Ness, up once more, launches a punch attack.While Samus is down, he moves to perform his Smash Attack.But Samus has other ideas, and fires off the Energy Blaster.The two attacks hit one another and send both badly injured characters flying toward the edge of the screen.

Gaz:I won't lose!

Mike-the-Brother:No!

They watch as their warriors soar through the air.Neither can manage to return to the playing field, but who will hit the wall first?The tension is so think you could cut it with a knife….Then the lights flicker off.

TV:Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Gaz:Whaaaaaaaaat?!The power went out?!

Mike-the-Brother (throwing his controller to the floor):We were _so close_ to finally knowing who the real champion is!

Gaz:Somehow, I know Dib is behind this…and when he gets home he will pay.

KidK (coming in the door):Hi guys!Oh, hey, what happened to the power?

Mike-the-Brother (sulkily):It went out in the middle of our _game_…

KidK:Gee, I'm sorry…want a sip of my brainfreezy?

Mike-the-Brother:Okay… (he slurps, then gets a sickened look on his face)Cherry?You gave me _cherry_?!

KidK:Oh, oops, I forgot you don't like it.

Gir:Do ya like choc'late bubblegum, Mikey?(he thrusts the cup under Mike-the-Brother's nose)Have some!

Mike-the-Brother:Er…thanks but no thanks, Gir.

Just then, Zim and Dib stumble through the open door.They look pretty beat up.

KidK:Geez!What happened to _you_?

Zim:Well, I was just about to achieve success at the pool club when _this_ idiot ruined everything!

Dib:I couldn't let him get _away_ with it!

Gaz (glaring down the stairs at her brother):Dib!Would you happen to know anything about why the _power_ went out?

Dib (nervous):Well, that's a long story, sis.

Gaz (menacingly):Tell it.

Dib recounts the events of his afternoon, and is promised future pain by the fuming Gaz.Then KidK separates everyone to prevent harm to her furniture, gets out some candles (since it's getting kinda dark out) and puts on the radio.

Mike-the-Brother:I hate the radio.

KidK:S'better than nothing…let's see if the news says anything about the blackout and when they'll fix the wires.

Newsman:The top story tonight is the power outage that has swept the area.Public Service has been able to track the source of the blackout to a downed telephone pole…blah blah blah…

Zim:Huh.Boring…hey, KidK, what did _you_ do today?

KidK:I went to the 7-11 with Gir for a brainfreezy.I met a guy and…

Zim (suspiciously):You met a _guy_?

KidK:Yeah, he was this really skinny guy…a few years older than me, I'd say.He looked kinda like a taller Dib.I accidentally knocked him over, and he was pretty mad, but I apologized and bought him a cherry brainfreezy and then he acted like I was the nicest person he'd ever met!He was a little weird, and kinda shy…but I think he was pretty much a sweet guy.

Gir:Yeah!He had a fun shirt that said many different things at different times!It had a Z an' a question mark…and then it was a--

Dib (interrupting):Gir, that's impossible.His shirt _changed_ logos?

Gir:Yeah!It was cooooooool…

Newsman:And here's Bambi Dearheart with other news for this hour.

Bambi Dearheart (with no feeling whatsoever):I'm here live at the scene of a grisly murder that occurred just about fifteen minutes ago.Witnesses say that a young man wielding two long daggers attacked and killed a businessman after the hapless victim ran into him and knocked him to the ground.(to herself)God do I hate crime reporting…ew, I just stepped in blood!Ick, ick, ick!(pause)Ummmm, let's hear from an eyewitness, shall we?

Hysterical Eyewitness Man:This crazy guy in black was just running along down the street like a mental patient…and the guy in the suit…he just bumped into him…it was an accident!The businessman said, 'Watch where you're going!'And then the skinny guy just went ballistic and started _stabbing_ him!It was horrible…blood everywhere!He kept screaming, 'I was having such a _good_ _day_!Why did you have to screw it up?!Why couldn't you be more like **_Missy_**?!'

Everyone turns to stare at KidK, except Gir, who takes this prime opportunity to tune the radio to the All-Rock station.

KidK:Ahaha…guess he wasn't so sweet after all…but he likes _me_!

Zim:Huh.You and your guys with bad attitudes…

Gir (singing along):Psycho killer!Qu'est-ce que c'est?Bum ba ba _baaaaa_ bum ba…Heehee!

_The End!_

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_I Love Happy Endings, Don't You?_

   [1]: http://members.aol.com/JTHM/index.html



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